Mattie's Diary: March 2034

Mattie’s Diary
To illustrate my fears of the change addiction America has been going through for the past 50 years, I will be writing short stories on my blog. These stories will take several days to complete. This first story I will be writing is called: “Diary of Mattie Adams” and takes place in Denver Colorado in the year, 2034 and illustrates how the same change can affect different people.

Diary of Mattie Adams
Sunday
1 January, 2034

Dear Diary,
Today is the very first day of the year! Since Mommy and Daddy gave you to me for Christmas, the birthday of Baby Jesus. I have not written in you because I told Mommy that I wanted to wait until the New Years Day to tell you about myself and my family. I love my Mommy and Daddy so very much and I know they love me too. Lately they seem so afraid and I don’t understand why?
My family had Christmas last week even though the mean man on the load speaker at the end of the block said that Christmas was no longer allowed. Mommy and Daddy told my brother Ronny and me that our Christmas was a secret. I think I can tell you Dear Diary because you are my new best friend and friends can share secrets. Mommy and Daddy also gave a diary to Ronny. Daddy told us we need to write something every day of things we saw and learned, because it may be important one day to document how our world has changed around us. I do not know if I can find things to write about every day but I will try when I can. It was so very hard for Mommy to find the materials to make our little diaries because of the rationing of paper for the average citizen. Mostly it is only allowed for government people to be able to have writing material because Glorious Father has told us we must save what precious trees in our forests for future generations and in order to save the forests paper is no longer sold to the private citizen. Only through abandoning greed and the need for ownership can we as a people find harmony with nature. This is told to us by my teacher. She also told us that in order to save energy Glorious Father decreed in ten years ago to ban the sale of private auto mobile to the average citizen and because we no longer depend on the automobile people are healthier and are more in harmony with our surrounding and this is a good thing. My teacher told us that in order to delete greed from our everyday life it will take time and effort but is part of Glorious Father’s Revolution that I may some day be part of this thing called a Revolution.
It is snowing today and is very cold in our house. The man on the load speakers at the end of the block said we should not be so greedy with our heat so that other people can be warm. I do not understand why me being cold is going to make other people warm but since the power is turned off on our block for 12 hours a day, we have no choice.
The day after Christmas, Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Bill came to live with us. I love my grandparents and they love me and it should be fun to have them live with us so that I can get to know them better. Family is the strongest bound in our lives and without family we are all alone with no one to take care of us. They seem so very frightened, not like they use to be. Five years ago, Grand Pa Bill took Ronny and me fishing up on the river west of Fort Collins in their camper trailer. They called it their Mountain Cabin and even put a sign on the back of the camper that says so. We had lots of fun cooking Smores and hot dogs over the open fire and counting the stars at night. Grandpa showed me how to put an icky worm on my hook and everything. Sleeping in a big tent next to the Mountain Cabin with Ronny was so much fun, I love my big brother and he loves me and when I am with him I am not afraid of anything. It is sad that Grandpa and Grandma had to give truck and trailer to the men in green uniforms. My teacher told us that ownership is an old way of looking at things. She said that no one needs to own any thing because the state will provide everything we need and in this way we will eliminate greed and secrets our lives. In the future, no one will have any needs or wants. When these things are eliminated, thanks to Glorious Father, we will all live in perfect harmony with all those around us. My teacher on the viewer at my school told us that people who have fun and desire to create new things and art are greedy because it is unfair to be happy when so many people are sad and can not create. I do not understand why being unhappy and uncreative will make all those other people unsad and creative. Sometimes grownups can be really silly the way they talk. Sometimes I am so confused and I wonder if they tell us the truth all the time.
Everyday a big white bus comes to our neighborhood and men in green uniforms and round hats go into the houses and return to the buses with old people who live in the houses. Daddy told me that these old people are going away on vacation. But why don’t they ever come back home? The other day when a big white bus stopped at Mary Johnson’s house, Mary’s grand parents came out with suit cases and got on the bus. I asked Daddy why Mary’s grandparents were going away on vacation, how come they can go off on a vacation to have fun and be happy and we can’t? Are they greedy to have fun and I am not allowed to have fun? I don’t think Daddy knows why the big white buses are taking people away.
Now that Grandma and Grandpa live with us, I have to share my bedroom with Grandma. At night she makes lots of noise when she sleeps and is always touching my dolls and things and I do not like other people to touch my things. We no longer have a television or computers or even radios some men in green uniforms came to our home a few months ago and took them all away. My Teacher Miss Xorphong says it is not fair that we should be able to own things that other people can not afford. So we have to give them to the big men in the green trucks. It is so quiet in our home, all the big people are afraid to talk to one another any more and there with no television or even a radio to listen to music there is no joy any longer in our home. Everyone is so sad. Last July some men came to our house and put some big boxes in each room. Daddy said they were listening devices so that anything we were talking about could be heard by the big men in the green uniforms. They let me keep my dolls, Susie, Agatha, Emma and Annie but a few days ago my teacher told me I have to rename my dolls to be more acceptable to other people and I was given a list of acceptable names for my dolls. Why do grownups have to make things so difficult?
I miss our big old house out in woods. It was way out in the country west of Longmont and I was so happy there. We had deer that would come down to our yard every morning and it was ever so much fun watching them from our front window. Sometimes there would be baby deer and they would hop around like they were on springs and I would laugh my self silly until I would fall down on the floor. I don’t understand why we had to leave that big house and big yard to move to this little house. My teacher told me that it was unfair to have so much room when other people had so little but I do not understand why us giving up our big house for this little house makes it fairer to the other people who do not have a big house. At my old school my teacher was Miss Smith and we had so much fun. I loved Ms Smith; she was happy all the time and made learning fun. At my new school it is not fun to learn anymore. I have been told that teachers have to follow a strict script given to them by people who study teaching but have never been an actual teacher. How can people who have never experienced being a teacher tell other teachers how to teach in a class room? Sometime I think that grownups make things far more complicated than they need to make them. Our school is in a big building and all day we sit by ourselves in big boxes called Q Bee Q’s, what a funny name for a box. Anyway, we sit in front of a “School viewer” all day long and watch a grown up lady who lives in a place called China. This grownup is teaching us a new language called Mandureash. Daddy told me that he heard that some day soon, everyone in the entire world will speak Mandureash because the world is “smaller now days” and to make things easier, we all need to be on,”The same page”. I do not think the world is any smaller then it used to be but maybe that is why we now live in a smaller house. My Daddy talk’s funny sometimes but it seems like he does not like this new Mandureash very much, Grandpa Bill tells anyone who will listen what he thinks of us changing our language to be equal and in harmony with the rest of the world.
The other night I heard Daddy and Grandpa Bill talking in the back yard. They were away from the listening boxes inside our house. They were talking really quietly and they kept looking around as if they were expecting someone to pop over the back fence and say Boo! Daddy kept saying things like, “Are you sure? And they lied to us!” Grandpa Bill was saying things like, “Of course I am sure. People told us this would happen way back in 2009 but most people did not believe it could happen in our country.” Grandpa Bill also used words like “underground”, “getting rid of dead wood” and something called “Mandated Age Reeducation Centers”. Grandpa was not very happy about the Mandated Age Reeducation Centers and he said that it was a “one way trip” and he for one, was never going to take that trip.
Last week the grownup teacher on my school viewer, Miss Xorphong, told us that it is only fair that we are all equal and it is unfair for one person to have more money than other people. But if a person works harder and is more productive than other people shouldn’t they be rewarded with more money? Who has the right to tell one person is allowed to be paid for their labor. Miss Xorphong told us once again that the failures of the past and the reason the Chinese needed to take care of us came from greed, liberty, freedom and choice. Eliminating choice in our lives makes our lives simpler and puts us in closer harmony with the rest of the world. Without choice there is no need for greed, liberty or freedom because everyone lives the same way and in harmony with each other. Without harmony society would fall apart and nothing would move and nothing would be able to function.
Mommy and Daddy had a meeting with a lady from my school last month, I have never seen this grownup before but she seemed to know all about me. She said she and the school had been tracking my progress in my studies and that I was not working to my full potential. She said that in April there would be another test to track my progress. If I had not changed my selfish attitude and learned to be part of the team by then, I would be put into another school to be more in harmony with the teaching of Glorious leader. Later at home Daddy got mad and said something about them taking me away to become a “Delta”. I do not know what a Delta is but if it means I would be taken from Mommy and Daddy I do not want to be a Delta.
One night after supper, we were all sitting in the back yard away from the listening boxes and Grandpa Bill told us that back in the old days, America borrowed lots of money from some Chinese people. When America could not pay back the money, the Chinese people took control of America and now we are no longer independent and free of China. Big people really talk funny sometimes, how can we be independent and free when everyone knows everyone is equal, my teacher told me so. Grandpa Bill does not like all the changes going on these days. He says that all these changes have been caused by greed, just like my teacher told us. Grandpa told us that about a hundred years ago, after something called WW 2; we used to have a form of government in America that he called a Republic. In those days people were able to think and talk any way they wanted to, as long as it did not hurt someone else, he called this the freedom of speech and said it was in something called the Constitution. He said Constitution like it was something holy. He also said that there were many things in the Constitution that have been “trampled on and forgotten”. How can word be trampled on words? He also said there used to be something called the freedom of the press. But if Freedom is in conflict with Harmony than anything called a freedom must be a bad and evil thing as it only confuses and frustrates people making them less harmonious. To me this just sounds silly, why couldn’t everyone just be happy and live in harmony? Anyway, Grandpa Bill said that the unhappy people were “hooked” on making changes to control the lives of other people. The more changes they cause a vacuum and more change need to be made to fill the vacuum. The more social changes these people got, the more they wanted. Grandpa also said that happiness has to come from within each person and can not be forced on them by the government. I am just a little girl but I would think that eventually we would run out of things to change. When there is nothing left to change what will happen to all those people who are addicted to change?
Tomorrow at school we will start meditation hour for the first time. My teacher told us that for an hour we will be in a deep sleep. During this deep sleep we will be given special instructions directly into our brains. My teacher told us this is another example of how progressive our school is. During our sleep we shall learn many things that would take us years to learn by simple instruction. I can hardly wait; I feel like my brain is so empty and needs to be filled up with all the wisdom Glorious Father can impart.

I think I will give you a name, Dear Diary. You will then seem more like a real friend to me and not just a book with blank pages. I will call you Dee from now on. Mommy and Daddy told me it is important that I write in you in only English no matter what. I am not sure what could happen that I would not want to write in English as that is how we talk. This will be our very own secret. I will tell you all my secrets Dee and I hope you can keep a secret. Can you keep a secret? I hope you can. Good night Dee.

Saturday
4 February 2034
Dear Dee,
The man on the load speaker at the end of our block announced today there would be more rationing of water to our sector because they are updating the water treatment center. My brother Ronny told me that he had heard that some people had damaged the water treatment center. I don’t understand why someone would want to keep us from getting water to drink.
Sally Hernandez, my new best friend, and I walk to school every day. She told me her daddy has just been promoted to a new job in Mayor Wong’s offices. He is going to be in charge of removing all English and Spanish signs in Denver and replacing them with signs in Mandureash. My teacher told us yesterday that within the next year, English and Spanish would no longer be used on any communications. I bet that will make Grandpa Bill really upset. He is always saying, “This is America, dog gone it, our constitution was written in English. Why should we have to change just because some idiots back in 2009 had to go to those loan sharks, the Chinese to borrow our way out of debt?” Grandpa Bill can get really upset sometimes. Last night, Grandpa was saying to Daddy, “Since Obama has been president of the United States for twenty five years, I wonder if he has gotten all the changes that he set out to do or if he still has something else up his sleeve.” I can not imagine what it would be like if we did not have our Glorious Father to lead us but Grandpa says he remembers back in the day when people could be president for only 8 years. My teacher, Miss Xorphong, told us that in the old days everyone had their own ideas of what the government should do and it was so disorganized. She told us that thanks to Glorious Father, we are more enlightened and with our support of the Glorious Farther we can complete the Revolution.
Grandpa also says he almost longs for the old days when his biggest complaint was the fact that some people only spoke Spanish in America but since there are no longer national boarders, the world needs a common language or else no one would be able to understand the other person.
Mommy goes to the food distribution center each day because we are no longer having a refrigerator, because they waste electricity and causes ice bergs to melt. The food distribution center is where the mean man from the government checks Mommy’s ration card and is always looking at me like I am going to steal something. Mommy told me that in the old days people were able shop in super markets that were not owned by the government and citizens could build and own these super markets. Some of these stores were so very large and full of all sorts of things to choose from, it must have been so very confusing in the old days. Mommy told me that back in the old days you did not even need a ration card to shop as long as you had the money to pay for what you bought. It all seems so exciting and confusing to think that a person could actually own a business without someone in the government overseeing the business. My teacher, Miss Xorphong, told us that the government makes decisions for us so that we can be more productive for the Revolution. She told us that if we were left to make our own decisions in life, we would most likely make the wrong decisions and ruin our lives down the road. I sometimes wonder what if everyone was doing the wrong things just because the government told us it was the right decision.
It is so very cold today. I do wish that we were able to turn on the heat in our home but the man on the loud speaker at the end of the block told us that the government has had to cut back on power production again. We are now only allowed to turn on our electricity 30 minutes a day. Ronny told me he had heard that another group of people had damaged the power station North of Denver. These people who are doing all these things to us must really be bad people and I hope the men in the green uniforms catch them. Miss Xorphong told us on the monitor at school, that one day soon; very soon, there would be no need for power stations because Glorious Father will be issuing power production kits for each home of all people who vow an allegiance to him and to the Revolution. Grandpa Bill told me what Glorious Father can do with his vow of allegiance.
Grandpa Bill told me he never voted for Glorious Leader back in the old day but that is just plain silly; President Obama has always been Glorious Leader. Grandpa Bill told me that in the old day, there was no Glorious Leader, that anyone could become president by being elected by private vote, deciding on their own who should be the best leader. How confusing it must have been to make a decision like that, it almost hurts my head just to think about it.
Today at the food distribution center the mean old man told Mommy that there was no bread today and would not be any in the future. Glorious Father has decided that wheat, oats and potatoes are unhealthy for us to eat and has decided that all Americans will now eat rice. This upset Grandpa Bill when he heard of the new food choice Glorious Father made for us. “Ten years ago they told us rice was bad for us and outlawed the production of rice in our country and now it is good for us? Where do they propose we get the rice since it is no longer grown in this country?” To this, Grandma simply said, “China”.
Daddy looks so tired these days. He comes home every night after his twelve hour shift at the GFO (Glorious Father Obama) Factory, where he stencils GFO on all the products made at the factory. Daddy used to be an attorney in Boulder, but Two years ago Glorious Father decreed that trial by jury was no longer needed and abolished all courts. Since Daddy was not trained in anything but to be a lawyer he took the only job available at GFO Factory. I do miss our big house outside Longmont and the deer that would romp around our front yard. I wonder sometimes if the deer are still eating the flowers Mommy planted so long ago.
Mommy is calling me to supper Dee, so I guess it is good night until tomorrow.

Saturday
11 March, 2034
Dear Dee,
I am so sorry I had to hide you under the floor at night but I am afraid I will have to do this each night because Father told me that the men in the green uniforms are starting to search homes for anything written in English. I hope you are comfortable in the box I placed you in last night because I don’t want to hurt you.
My teacher, Miss Xorphong, told us yesterday that in order for America to become self sufficient in the future, China will start sending advisors to our country next month and we should all welcome them with open arms. My school is picking students to represent it in the parade of flags when our guests begin arriving at the old State Capital building. I hope I get chosen, I just know Mother and Father would be so proud of me standing tall with my school uniform and red arm band. They say the new China-American National Anthem will be played in a show of friendship and solidarity to our guests. Miss Xorphong told us at school that without China’s help, the revolution would die, much as a new flower would die without water. Grandfather does not like this news and calls it an invasion and something about dancing on George Washington’s grave. He also says that Teddy Roosevelt and someone called Abe Lincoln are probably turning over in their graves. I don’t really know who these people are but to I guess they must have been the God’s that people used to pray to in the old days. But now we have Glorious Father to pray to and all the old Gods are dead. Grandmother is really worried with Grandfather’s outbursts, because we all know Glorious Father hears everything and neighbors are turning in neighbors and relatives who have said any cross words about Glorious Father. We all know Glorious Father is the fatherland itself. Glorious Father is no longer just one person, he is everything. If we are unhappy with Glorious Father then we are unhappy with everything around us. Just hearing Grandfather say those mean things about Glorious Father hurts my head so.

Today the big white bus stopped at the house across the street and the nice old people, who live there, were brought out the door of the house. I don’t think Mister Jackson wanted to leave his home and go on the bus because he was yelling at the men in the green uniforms and his wife was crying like nothing I had ever seen. Daddy told me these men were called Special Forces. Daddy told me that at one time, Special Forces were used to fight in other countries for something called Liberty and Freedom. Adults use some really funny words.
Anyway, Mister Jackson hit one of the men in the face with his cane and another man shot Mister Jackson in the back of the head and he fell to the ground with only a soft thud. Then the man in the green uniform turned and shot Missus Jackson in the face.
I do not understand why Mister Jackson would want to hurt that man. Hitting a Special Forces man was like hitting Glorious Father and striking at Glorious Father is like striking at all of us. I think the Jackson’s deserved to die for being so mean to those men. Did they not understand they had the duty to do as Glorious Father whished them to do? I heard one of the men say to another one, “Well that makes two less old farts to take care of at the center.” And another man said, “But what about all the damn paper work?”
They carried the two old people into the bus and drove off.
Later that evening Grandmother told Grandfather about the shooting and all he would say was, “They were the same age as us. Ruth, do you know what that means?” With those words Grandmother started crying softly as Grandfather wrapped his arms around her and whispered something in her ear that I could not hear.
Just last week my teacher Miss Xorphong told us that if a person is no longer able to function at a productive level for society, they have a duty to move on and get out of the way so that others can take their place. Old people only hinder the Revolution. Not only because they are slow and are no longer productive, they also find fault with all the changes Glorious Father wants to bring to his people through Revolution. It is said that it is because they long for the old days of indecision and Greed.
A few weeks ago, we had an assembly at school. It was so exciting, The Peoples Revolutionary Band of Boulder was there and it was playing the new national marches. Mister Chow, my school principle and the district cadre leaders were all standing on the stage under brightly colored banners proclaiming: VICTORY IN THE REVOLUTION! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! UNITED WE STAND! Suddenly, it became really quiet and the lights all turned off except for a spot light that focused on the doors at the back of the assembly hall. The doors flung opened and in marched many stiff legged men in black uniforms all waving large red flags. I had never seen flags like these before. They were all red except in the upper left side there a gold picture of what Grandfather called the Statue of Liberty. He once told me that it was really big statue on an island in New Beijing harbor, and used to be a symbol of freedom for the world. Adults use such strange words like freedom and liberty. My teacher Miss Xorphong says that Freedom and liberty are no longer the opposite of Harmony and therefore evil words. She told us that liberty and freedom is the same as a person having to make choices and making choices only slows down thought process and most times given a chance, most people would only make the wrong choice or decisions. Glorious Father makes our choices for us now days so that we may be more productive. Now the statue has a more proper name, “Workers Victory.”
The men in black uniforms continued to march to the front of the assembly hall and in front of the stage they turned so that every other man went left or right until all the men were in front of the stage marching in place to the music. The sight was so exciting and I could feel my heart beating as if it would pop out of my shirt. When the band stopped, all the men stop marching and lowered their flags as if pointing at each of us students. A hush came over the boys and girls as Mister Chow lowered his hands in a meaning for us to sit down.
Mister Chow seemed to be looking directly at me when he started to speak in Mandureash.
“Students, Glorious Father has sent word to me of how proud he is of your progress this year. This has been a year that has seen the culmination of the first stage of Glorious Father’s 100 year struggle in the Revolution for Social Justice in America.”
Applause erupted from everyone in the assembly hall and a sense pride came over me and I felt as if I were floating above the floor. Mister Chow continued to speak about the importance of brotherhood, teamwork, and pride in the Fatherland. He told us that we would need these things in order to achieve the second phase of Glorious Leaders 100 year plan. The Father land, Mister Chow told us is no longer just what used to be called the United States but is all inclusive of all nations since the old notion of national boarders was done away in the tenth year of the Revolution. Today the entire world is one and we are all the same, praise unto Glorious Father!
Mister Chow went on to describe the things expected of us, the things we would see and things we will be required to do. We ended the assembly with everyone chanting, “Mmmmmmm Yes we can, Glorious Father Obama, yes we can mmmmmm.”
Later that night, I told Grandfather of the things I had seen and heard. He looked very sad. “So the old son of a bitch is still getting away with the same crap that he did in 08’. Guess the old saying still holds water.”
“What is this saying Grandfather?” I asked.
“Grandfather, when did I become Grandfather? What are they doing to you in that school anyway?”
Today at breakfast, Ronald asked me if I was okay and I told him of course I was okay.
He just looked at me like I had developed a third eye or had worms crawling out my ears but made no more comment. I feel like my family is changing and for some reason I can not put my finger on it.
That is all Dear Dee. I must put you in the hiding place Father has made for me. It is really quite silly to have to hide you from the world to read. My praise of Glorious Father is not a bad thing but since I am still writing to you in English it could be a bad thing. Maybe in the future I will start writing to you in Mandureash after all English like Latin is now a dead language and the whole world now speaks Mandureash. Praise to Glorious Father and good night dear friend.



Dear Reader,
Mattie is no longer writing in her diary because her father has taken it from the hiding place and hidden it where Mattie will not be able to find it. He and Mattie’s mother and grand parents had grown fearful at the changes they have seen in Mattie during the past few months and are determined to keep her diary from being destroyed by Mattie herself. The following is being written as though Mattie might have written it herself in her diary.

Sunday
12 March, 2034

After breakfast Mother asked me to join her outside for a minute. When we were both outside and away from the listening boxes, she held my hand and looked me in my face and I thought I saw a tear in her eye. We sat down at the picnic table and she started to speak with a quivering lip.
“Do you remember those stories of Jesus we used to tell you and Ronnie when you were small?”
I held my breath for a second and did not answer her. I was afraid to even hear her say his name. The mere thought could put us all in danger. Did Mother not know that people were always listening and reporting far simpler things than mentioning his name?
“Oh Mattie, I am so afraid for you and what you are turning into” She cried softly.
I know I must have looked startled by what she had just said to me. Why should she be afraid for me, was it not her who was talking crazy? Did she not realize this person who I can not bring myself to repeat his name is no longer our God? My teacher Miss Xorphong tells us daily in our quiet and meditation time that there is only one true Lord and God of the Earth and heavens. He is Glorious Father and all the other so called gods that people once prayed to are dead! The mere thought of them is blaspheme, punishable by death. Last week in front of the Denver City Hall, they burned ten people to death who were caught trying to hold some sort of ceremony in an old warehouse near the old baseball stadium. My mother must know that uttering his name outloud is a sure death warrant for all of us, how could she do this to us.
I held my hands over my ears in an attempt to stop mother’s blasphemies and I started to cry and say “No, do not say these things! Why are you doing this to me?”
She tried to take my hands from my ears but I was stronger and jumped up and ran into the house. Father stopped me as I came in the back door and held me in his arms in a strong embrace.
“Mattie, you must hear your mother.” Father said in a stern voice and returned me to Mother who was now standing next to the picnic table.
I was in rage and at the same time afraid for all of us. My eyes filled with tears of hurt and rage as my mother continued in her certain death sentence for all of us.
“Mattie dear, you have changed so much I do not know you any longer.” This hateful woman who used to be my loving Mother was now talking pure hate at me. It was as if a vale had fallen from my eyes and for the first time I was able to understand the teaching of the Glorious Father and was unable to see these people as anything but enemies of Glorious Father!
This hateful woman who I had once called my loving Mother went on about how this false God and teller of lies and tall tales, had died for our sins and was the son of a God. How could he be a son of a God, Glorious Father is the only true God and he has no son. He alone came to this earth and now reins supreme in his holy city Maobama DC. She continued on and on as if in an attempt to drive me crazy. Why were these people, who I had once thought of as my loving family turning on me and were now treating me with such contempt? I had to escape from them tonight. I had to leave this house with all these crazy people. This crazy talk could only end one way and it was with us all being arrested for Blasphemy and burned at the stake as traitors to Glorious Father. I had to let them think I was one of them once again and regain their trust.
Father was still holding me tightly but when I stopped my struggling he loosened his grip on me and we all sat down at the picnic table. Even though this hateful crazy woman was still smiling and talking about her false God and his so called salvation, my ears were closed. I simply nodded and tried to smile the same way I used to smile when the vale was still in front of my eyes. Thoughts of my escape were all I could think of as both of these two strangers threw insult and lies at my ears. Would they never stop this insane talk? What gave them the right to treat me as though it were I who had changed and not them? They were no longer my family, my family was Glorious Father and my class mates who like me had become true believers in the site of God himself. Praise be Glorious Father, there could never be one before him.
After what seemed like hours they both hugged me as though they thought I was still one of them and the man I had once worshiped as almost a God himself put his arm around me and we walked back into the house together. Even though I continued to smile, the tears of hate still raged inside of me although only I could see them. For the first time in my life I looked around this house I had once called home and I was ashamed by the things I saw and at the same time afraid and this fear and shame turned to hate. It was an invisible hate that stays with me even now. How could I have not seen the ungodly things I saw now before the vale dropped from my eyes? So much room for so few people and were those paintings I saw on the wall and a large black book lay open on top of a table as if someone had been reading from it and it was in English! How dare they continue to read in English?
Oh no! My diary is in English! Why was I so stupid? I must get the diary and destroy those words I had written before the soldiers come to our door and make a search of my room!
I ran up the stairs in this large house fit only for those who could control our destinies from the outside. The old idea that people were able to think and decide for themselves how they would live their lives is over. Why can these people who I once thought of as family not see this? At the door to my room I opened it slowly as though I were entering a strange and wild place. A place that only last night I had slept and dreamed of the world to come under the exulted guidance of Glorious Farther.
Pushing the door open I looked in and it seemed I was in a strange bed room. How could I live like this? How could I be so selfish and full of greed? The window in my bedroom had brightly colored drapes covering it. Why would I need drapes on my window? I had no secrets to hide from the outside world and no one had any secrets to hide from me. I would rip those terrible symbols of my past from that window and let the world know that I was not a slave to greed and secrets. My bed was covered with a yellow piece of cloth and the pillow was covered in a cloth bag. How could I sleep this way? There was enough cloth on my bed and on my window to make several uniforms for Glorious Fathers Special Forces. Praise unto you, my father and may the days shine upon your soul.
Quickly I went to the hiding place under my bed and pulled up the floor boards. The space where my diary should be was now empty! Where was my diary? Who would take the pages I had written, was it the police? Had they come while I was outside with those evil people? Or was it one of the people I have lived with? If they took it, would they turn me in for writing in English and all the lies I had written before the vale fell from my eyes? I could not let them know I knew my diary was gone. They would probably imprison me in a closet or beat me. My life was now in danger from the very people who use to protect me. I must leave this house now.
I went back to the bedroom door and looked into the hallway, there was no one there. I could hear them talking but it seemed as though everyone was down stairs. They all seemed so happy they thought I was back as one of them. Closing the door softly I rushed to the closet and pulled on my school coat and hat and moved to the window. After I raised the window I climbed out on the roof. It was cold but it had not snowed over night so the roof was dry and I was able to climb down the side and crouched next to the side of the house. I was so excited I was escaping my imprisonment and would soon be home with the people who truly understood me and loved me for my love of Glorious Father.